St. Augustine Tourist Traps

When our family road tripped to Ohio, we stopped in Chattanooga, TN along the way.  We decided against “wasting” our time & money at dated tourist trap Rock City and opted instead for the aquarium and a train ride.  We regretted it!!  Sometimes the best way to experience a city is via their kitschy, dated, or outright tacky tourist traps.  

Source: http://wp.tdf.org/index.php/2010/07/rock-city/

So I polled facebook {you should be my facebook friend- click here} and twitter {I’m @SimplyStAug} to learn all about St. Augustine Tourist Traps… the good, the bad & the uuuuugly. Without further ado, may I present:

The Simply St. Augustine guide to St. Augustine Tourist Traps

#1 Most Mentioned Tourist Trap in St. Augustine… Santa Maria Restaurant
I’ve written about it before only because friends and readers insisted.  Obviously locals feel strongly about this!
The Good: Yes, they have a great view.  Yes, it’s the only restaurant in historic St. Augustine ON the water.  But no, you should not go there.
The Bad: Everything other than the view.
The Ugly: People get sick there.  Often. 

#2 Tourist Trap according to the fickle world of facebook was Ripleys! Believe it or Not Museum

The Good: Everyone agreed that the Red Train Tours, Big Red Train Nights of Lights Tours, and even Ghost Train Tours are fun!
The Bad: It seems some grown-ups aren’t captivated by shrunken heads, carnival mirrors and two-headed goats!  I must confess, I love Ripley’s!  All that weirdness gathered under one roof suddenly makes me {a homeschooling, homebirthing, Jesus-loving, mostly vegetarian, been-happily-married-to-the-same-man-since-I-was-18 mama to 6 children} feel quite normal.  *wink*
The Ugly: We always have to speed-walk through the ghost & torture section.  I’m fascinated by iron maidens, personally, but the girls don’t share my interest!

#3 Potter’s Wax Museum
Yeah.  It pretty much is THE tourist trap.  Even as a kid I didn’t get it.
The Good: There is great artistry in creating the figures.  I’m impressed by how life-like they are!  And they have Star Wars!!
The Bad:  Would I pay to go see wax people?  Nuh-uh!! {Sorry, Potters!}
The Ugly: Nothing.  If wax people make you happy, go for it!

#4 St Augustine Tourist Trap was Harry’s!

I get it.  Really, I do.  The lines can be incredibly long.  But, facebook, I disagree that it’s overpriced…
The Good: Harry’s has live music, 2 bars, views of the water, serve generous portions and are consistent in flavor & quality.  Oh, and the Chocolate Bread Pudding.  Love it.
The Bad: The lines.  We lived here 6 years before we went because of the aforementioned lines!

Protip: Go on a Monday night.  You’ll enjoy relaxing, acoustic music and no lines!!  Or go any late night just for dessert in the courtyard. It’s quite romantic under the white lights!

The Ugly: Hmm… just the lines!  Did I mention they have chocolate bread pudding?

#5, according to St. Augustine Pics {<-you MUST visit his site! I love the way he captures St. Augustine from unique perspectives!}, is “Alvin’s Island- or any massive neon junk shop…”  Unfortunately, St. George Street has more than it’s share of T-Shirt shops and purveyors of tackiness.  The only way we will get rid of them is if you DON’T SHOP THERE!
The Good: Oh, go ahead… I know you really want a St. Augustine sweatshirt so you can rub in your Florida vacation when you go back to the cold.
The Bad: Yes, we have some great bars in St. Augustine.  No, we’re not a “Quaint little drinking village with a fishing problem.”  Let’s just be a bit more mature, people.
The Ugly: If your kid is old enough to read but not old enough to know when NOT to read, some of the T-Shirts can present a problem.  We call these teaching opportunities.

#6 The Oldest Wooden Schoolhouse
The Good: It’s arguably the oldest wooden schoolhouse in the US!  You’re walking through history!  If you can slow down, read the signs and immerse yourself in the time period for a few minutes, it’s a pleasant stop. The gardens behind the schoolhouse are surprisingly lovely!
The Bad: It’s small.  If you’re a speed tourist, you can be in & out in 10 minutes.  At least it’s only $5.
The Ugly: I’m not gonna lie.  I’ve been scared of the “teacher” upstairs in the window ringing that bell since I was a kid!!  I’m sure she’s nice & all… I try to remind myself of Hannah of The Witch of Blackbird Pond- a nice, misunderstood woman who people were afraid of.  She needs a hairbrush.

Tourist Trap Honorable Mentions include

• The Old Jail - What’s not to love about jailbird guides from the early 1900s?
• The Alligator Farm - You know you’ve always wanted to see reptiles from every continent in one place!
• The Pirate & Treasure Museum - Really? I think it’s awesome! If you rush through it seems pricey for the size- but slow down & read… do the “treasure hunt” and enjoy the experience!
• The World Famous Fountain of Youth – Exhibits are dated but the view is priceless and you get to interact with Timucuan indians & see cannon firings.

You can see that everyone has a different definition of “tourist trap”!  As a local, I’ve come to love this city… silly and sophisticated alike.  {You can find both under one roof at Lightner Museum, by the way.}  I see Ripley’s generously supporting the community and providing unique experiences, bump into The Oldest Schoolhouse people at Chamber of Commerce meetings and hear their passion for the city and I see Pat Croce of The Pirate & Treasure Museum pouring millions of dollars into our Colonial Quarter to revamp & provide a vibrant, educational attraction in the heart of the city.  They all make me hometown proud!

In the end, I agree with facebook friend Laurel: “Personally, I have never minded being a tourist trapped in Old St Augustine! Love that place!”